Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
