Ketchup is God's man juice
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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