Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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