this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
God, I missed his penis.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
