Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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