I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
