so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
