I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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