So drunk its hurt
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
