we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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