Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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