I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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