it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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