THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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