The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
