McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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