yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize