you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
