we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
