She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
