If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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