i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
