Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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