this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
