fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
