Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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