I'm really into asian looking animals
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
