He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
