I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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