One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
