i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
