mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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