I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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