Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
