dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
