I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
