And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
