Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
