If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize