I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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