So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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