ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
