We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
