Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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