Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
