Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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