The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
