I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
