Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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