okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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