It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
