She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize