im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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