i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
