I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ketchup is God's man juice
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
