i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
