Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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