I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
