Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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