he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
