RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
