I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
