How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Couch. On fire.
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