bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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