The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize