so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
