Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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