I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
