I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
