remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
