Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize