if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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