So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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