9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
